Some Pain Cannot Be Explained
by Risa Hijikata
Summary: Lovers. That is what they have identified themselves as. But dating with the famed Shiroyasha is not always smooth-sailing. There are days where red eyes stared at the blue sky with vacant gaze, and the screaming pain of his heart was too much to bear for the both of them. GinHiji/HijiGin; One-shot. -COMPLETE-


**Warning:** Uhh, past trauma and PTSD symptoms I suppose...

 **Disclaimer** : You know these characters are not mine. I'm just procrastinating exam study again.

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 **Some Pain Cannot Be Explained**

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He looked forlorn, gazing at the sky.

It was as if he was waiting for something to descend from the heavens to take him away with the sudden breeze.

His silver hair fluttered, and the clouds trailed with the sluggish motion of a snail.

The sky was the colour of azure, the clouds were milky white and the sharp tang of the wind promised a cool weather for the rest of the day.

It was a fine day, yet his hunched back beckoned for him to approach.

'Slacking again, stupid perm?' The Vice-Commander arrived to stand beside the seated figure who barely reacted to the presence of his company.

'It's called a break, Oogushi-kun.' He retorted. 'Only the working-class adults can enjoy this kind of luxury~'

The Vice-Commander seated himself at the end of the park bench, settling himself to the back of the seat as he ruffled the inside of his kimono sleeve for a packet of cigarette.

'Who're you calling a MADAO? I'm a working man too! You're the one who's unemployed.' He responded, irked with the careless statement the silver perm had made.

'Gin-san has his pride. Gin-san works for righteous employers rather than scamming civilians for their tax money.' The Yorozuya Boss purposely referred to himself in the third person for the "cute" appeal. Clearly, it did not work, for the raven-head frowned in annoyance at him.

'Said the person who has been avoiding his rent for three months. You're scamming your landowner!' The raven-head lit the cigarette resting between his lips. 'So why are you so depressed? I'm sure it's not because of guilty conscience for not paying rent?'

The empty park on a Saturday morning was eerily quiet. Families spent the first day of the weekend at home to rest and spend time with their loved ones. It was odd to see the two men in their casual kimono, resting on their respective edge of the park bench, gazing up at the blue sky in thought.

'I was just thinking that that cloud looks like a strawberry.'

'That can't be right. It looks more like Mayorin's head.'

'How bad are your eyes to see-'

The silver samurai did not finish his sentence.

The Vice-Commander was taken aback. He was prepared with a comeback to counter the perm's absurdities but he was not granted the chance to use it.

'Oi. What's wrong, stupid perm?' The unfinished cigarette on his hand fell to ground, the flame died upon contact.

The owner of Yorozuya had abruptly clutched his head, small groans of pain escaped him. He curled into himself and squeezed the pounding of his temple between his knees.

The raven-head was worried, flustered, for the fact that he did not know what had caused the pain.

The silver-head's cries turned into spasm of short breaths, and that hunched back turned the usual gallant figure into a small ball of vulnerability. The Vice-Commander could not see his hidden expression, ignorant of the crushing pain of a screaming heart.

'Oi, Yorozuya. Get a hold of yourself.' He took out his cell phone, dialling the emergency number of an ambulance, but a hand strongly tugged at his sleeve, stopping him.

'Gintoki?'

There were so many questions that he did not know the answer to when it came to the silver samurai. He had never asked – never voiced them out loud, because he knew that the man will never be prepared in answering any of them.

If he did give in to his desire for the answers, the silver perm would probably give him the same expression as he is wearing now. An expression of silent suffering, secretive restraint behind the cloudy red eyes warned him from getting too involved with him.

Hijikata snapped shut the cell phone in his hand and rushed forward to stop Gintoki from toppling down from the bench. He lowered him slowly to the soft grass underneath them and circled the frail figure safe.

The moment they were in each other's arms, something in Gintoki slowly calmed and the excruciating throbbing lessened to a persistent pulse, his ragged breathing became consistent gasps as he regained his rhythm.

Hijikata stroked Gintoki's back with un-practiced hand. It was awkward yet soothing, and Gintoki was comforted in the knowledge that someone was by him in his moment of need.

Feeling comfortably settled in the embrace, Gintoki wondered aloud at how other people must have seen them, '…hugging in a public place like a gay couple-...'

Once again, Gintoki could not finish the sentence and this time, it was by the fault of the Vice-Commander who was kissing him.

'Not "like".' Hijikata embarrassedly murmur upon his release. 'Anyway, are you alright now?'

The surprise on Gintoki's face only stayed for a second, for he was overwhelmed by the feeling of concern that Hijikata had unsuccessfully tried to conceal from him.

He kissed him back, lightly, just to assure him that everything is now fine.

Hijikata let go and Gintoki released the warm body beside him to stand up and dusted himself slowly. Hijikata followed suit; he tried not to stare but the wary glance he threw towards his lover were easily found out by the object of the gaze himself.

Gintoki gave his usual silly smile, and it only made Hijikata frown again.

It was not the first time that Hijikata had seen him act that way. Every time, he would snap open his cell phone only to snap it shut again. Hurried thoughts ran across his mind, _who should I call? Is it the pain from an old injury? Is it from his past trauma? Is it something that a doctor can fix?_

 _Is it a pain that I can cure?_

The first time he saw Gintoki experiencing this pain episode, Hijikata checked Gintoki's body for a sign of re-opened wounds and found none. The samurai himself only acted frivolously afterwards and laughingly told him that he was ticklish.

He was annoyed each and every time but more than that, he was worried – increasingly so. He kept a diary of all the three times he had encountered this experience, writing down the symptoms and the frequency of occurrence. He recorded the ways that he could lessen the pain and the time it will take for him to settle down.

It was hard.

Because he could not figure out the trigger to his episodes of pain, and the time for him to settle always varied.

He wished the idiot himself would tell him what it was that was plaguing him.

But instead, the said idiot extended his arm towards him as if to say, "Lets hold hands on the way back home like a couple of stupid gay kids."

Really.

All Hijikata wanted to do now is to give a different kind of pain to the unruly permy head.

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 **A/N** : *Mayorin is the weird mayo old man they used as mascot in the anime.


End file.
